Tag Archives: mediocrity

On the Mediocrity of Pub Culture in Ottawa

12 Sep

A Treatise Tirade

I was recently sitting in a pub on Elgin Street. It was happy hour. When the waitress stared vaguely at me and visibly strained her intellect to recite the list of half-price appetizers, it struck me, as I recited the well-worn list with her in my head, that many of the pubs on Ottawa’s high streets are hopelessly and predictably mediocre when it comes to food. Surely in 2014, amid the resurgence of quality ingredients as a prime consideration, a basic pub can finally leave the factory-frozen chicken wings behind!

In many world capitals a fraction of Ottawa’s size, the main streets offer up an eclectic array of quality bars that serve simple yet high-quality food. For example, in Luxembourg’s capital city, a quasi-hamlet the size of a postage stamp, the bars and pubs focus on quality rather than quantity, and reflect the region’s culinary history. In Lisbon, a city half Ottawa’s size, the bars that do offer food serve the high-quality seafood and meats that are available in the region. Obvious tourist traps aside (read: Hard Rock Café, etc.), there is largely no recourse to frozen, pre-packaged industrial waste that masquerades as food. In Great Britain, arguably the geographical genesis of Ottawa’s pub culture, even the local public house in the remotest of villages serves inspiring food, to the point that such establishments routinely feature in leading publications on cuisine (e.g., the excellent British Regional Food by Mark Hix).

Sadly, in Ottawa, on streets like Bank and Elgin and in neighbourhoods like the Market, most of the pubs still serve the same tired, bland, lowest-common-denominator food that used to reign supreme before Canada’s cities were flung open to both the world and to the great farms that surround them. These pubs and their clinically depressing fare mirror the people I see walking by. People who wear Crocs to work. People who wear backpacks on suits. People who don’t quite grasp the fact that their clothes should fit them and not the obese geriatrics that they will likely become. Petits fonctionnaires. Melodramatic cynicism aside, I fear that the main reason why mediocre pubs continue to rule the high streets of Ottawa is that there aren’t enough people out there who would vote with their stomachs to expel them from the prime locations.

There are, however, pockets of hope along the avenues of mediocrity. For example, the Manx on Elgin takes its food as seriously as its beer, and hasn’t installed twenty flat-screen TVs per square foot. Chez Lucien in the Market follows much the same philosophy (I will forgive it for having two small, elderly televisions perched in the corners above the bar). Sadly, these gems are drowned in a sea of Royal Oaks and similarly styled McPubs that rely on their location, their 24/7 sports coverage and their lack of discernable soul to attract the hordes of bureaucrats who want nothing more than to avoid the march of culinary progress for fear of having to face any sort of change in their little lives.

I have some faith that quality pubs will continue to grow in number and stature in Ottawa. Alas, I don’t harbour real optimism that they will take over from the overly sanitized establishments that currently line the main streets, because this city simply does not have a progressive class on a scale large enough to truly change the face of its culinary scene.  Ultimately, I am too jaded to believe that, some day, John Q. Civil Servant will wake up and walk past the Fox and Feather and into the Manx. Ottawa’s baseline standard for pub food is sadly doomed to remain as low as its wintertime windchills. Those who want a pint and a plate that don’t diminish their hopes for a better world with every sip and every bite will continue to be relegated to the little pockets of quality cuisine that dot the city. It’s a sad statement to make about a world capital of a million residents.

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Free-Market Fast-Food Fight: Big King vs. Big Mac

17 Jul

I recently wrote about the new Burger King in the St. Lawrence Market neighbourhood, and how it’s the devil incarnate, the worst thing to happen to the area, miserably soulless, yada yada yada.  I also mentioned that the McDonald’s that it faces is arguably the worst one in the world, and that the best thing that Burger King could do is to put it out of business.  Being a big fan of unbridled capitalistic competition, I thought I’d compare their offerings to determine who will likely be the winner of this fast-food fight.

I chose the Big King and the Big Mac, since they both represent their respective establishments and are remarkably similar (lawsuit, anyone?).  I knew the Big Mac would be mediocre at best, so I was hoping that the Big King would blow it out of the water.  To be clear, this was not a test of flavour and quality in absolute terms, but rather a relativist exercise in figuring out the lesser of two evils.

Packaged burgers. I prefer boxes.

Packaged burgers. I prefer boxes.

Unfortunately, it turned out to be like a race between a blind guy and a half-blind guy.  The Big King was the half-blind guy.  Despite the fact that the Big King was marginally better because of its pseudo-grilled flavour, proportional serving of sauce (the Big Mac was swimming in it) and real toppings instead of onions that looked like bits of paper towel, I was disappointed that Burger King, the new kid on the block, couldn’t get it together enough to put out a truly quality product (again, in RELATIVE terms).

The Big King. Meh.

The Big King. Meh.

The Big Mac. Bleh.

The Big Mac. Bleh.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If an independent burger joint had taken over the corner opposite a McDonald’s, you can be damn sure that it would have tried its hardest to win people over. This Burger King is just phoning it in, and the neighbourhood is left with a choice between useless and hopeless.

Many brown thumbs down for both.